TO: The Defendant, JACK FROST aka OLD MAN WINTER
WHEREAS December 22nd is the first day of winter, and December 25th is Christmas Day;
AND WHEREAS for reasons and motivations, the particulars of which are known only to you, the residents of Kanata have been deprived of the snowfall to which they are accustomed and upon which they rely to celebrate the season;
AND WHEREAS the children of Kanata have come to depend upon an ample supply of snow to achieve certain objects including the delivery of parcels on December 25th and the designation of “snow days” throughout the winter season;
NOW BE ADVISED the law firm ALLAN SNELLING LLP has filed an action for an immediate injunction requiring snow to begin falling in Ottawa no later than the evening of December 24th and for said snow to be in such depth to allow for the proper access of sleighs and associated animals on rooftops, and for said snow to remain on the ground for at least the following seven (7) days.
THE GROUNDS TO BE RELIED UPON include the current lack of snow resulting in unacceptable conditions, particulars of which include but are not limited to:
- The lack of sufficient snow to fabricate snowballs and/or snowpersons;
- No snow/ice coverage on hills or backyards for sleds, saucers, toboggans, and snow racers;
- The complete lack of snow plow sightings and associated excitement; and
- A general uncertainty about seasonal activities after opening presents on December 25th.
YOUR WHEREABOUTS BEING UNKOWN, service of this claim upon you is effected by this advertisement. If you do not reply within 15 to 20 minutes of the publication of this notice, you will not be entitled to further notice and the claimant may proceed to obtain further relief in your absence including the cost of any uneaten cookies, milk, and carrots.